From Victim to Victrix - The Survivor's Way

"Don't tell."

With those words, and all the threats -- real and implied -- that came with them, our abusers stole the one thing that could help us break the chains that bound us to them; they stole from us the power to act in our own defense.

What if, all those years ago (or maybe, in your own life, right now) someone had acted for us? What if someone had stood up and told the truth that we could not? What if the life sentence of abuse without parole had been commuted by the selfless act of another?

What if it had happened in a court of law? What if the law of the land had made it stick?

What if I told you it is happening right now in Harris County, Texas?

Who Protects the Children?

Researchers at the CIVITAS ChildTrauma Programs (located at the Baylor College of Medicine in Houston, Texas) tunnel have proven that child abuse permanently alters the way the brain develops and functions. They have discovered that, because the brain develops according to the way it is used, the repeated stress of abuse alters the brain's structure for good -- so much so that the victim's persistent fear state becomes a personality trait. Long after the abuse is over, the victim is triggered, even in neutral-seeming situations. She responds by acting out (harming others) or acting in (harming herself).

These groundbreaking discoveries allow the CIVITAS team to use neurobiological evidence to prove allegations of child abuse in a court of law. When child abuse has occurred, it can be proven regardless of the victim's age or how long ago the abuse occurred -- and CIVITAS is proving it every day.

But there's more to a proper child abuse investigation than the science of it. When children are traumatized, a combination of overworked or under-trained investigators, repeated stressful interviews, harsh settings, and interagency squabbling only makes matters worse. The CIVITAS team is comprised of pediatricians and psychiatrists, psychologists and social workers, educators and counselors. They work in cooperation with law enforcement, local hospitals, social service agencies, legal professionals, battered women's shelters, and many others to:

	Substantiate allegations using scientific methods and state-of-the-art diagnostics,
	Ensure that every professional who participates in an abuse investigation is specially-trained to work with abuse victims,
	Foster an interdisciplinary spirit of cooperation and eliminate interagency turf wars
	Create a child-friendly, one-stop-shop environment in which additional trauma to the victim is minimized
	Serve as a replicable model for field offices across America

Several states have mandated the use of interdisciplinary teams in child abuse investigations. Yet, despite the number of studies that demonstrate the lasting effects of trauma on the developing brain, only CIVITAS has combined neurobiological evidence-gathering with the interdisciplinary team approach.

There is only one CIVITAS office in the entire country; no field offices exist. If they did, child abuse investigators across the U.S. would have the neurobiological evidence necessary to prove child abuse in court. If CIVITAS were established across the country, we could be validated.

We could be free.

And when we tell the truth, we who stopped believing in miracles long ago reclaim a very precious gift -- the power to act in our own defense. In the bargain, we claim the power to stand up for other victims. And when we do that, we finally, successfully, walk the survivor's path from victim to victrix.

But freedom, as someone once said, isn't free. There is a price, and the price is trust -- a high price to pay for those of us whose reserves of trust were plundered by our abusers. "Why?" we ask. "Why should I trust anyone -- or anything -- ever again?" The question is a defensive one, because every time we have to ask it, we remember what it was like. We remember the pain, the anger, the loneliness, the humiliation, the hopelessness that we felt. We remember longing for someone who had the power we lacked to come along and make it all okay, and how vulnerable that longing makes us feel -- even now. Why should we trust anyone? Ever? Because, this time, we have the power. This time, we decide who is worthy of our trust. This time, we need only pay that precious currency to those who deserve it most -- ourselves.

When we trust ourselves, our actions carry weight. When we trust ourselves, we find groups of like-minded others, and the whisper of the one is transformed into the roar of the many. When we trust ourselves, we are able to face our memories, and tell the painful truth.

Where Do I Start?

Why not turn to someone who's been there? The following three books were written by authors who, for various reasons, made their own healing journeys. They learned to trust themselves, and with these books, they pass their stories, their wisdom and their insights along to us. Every one of these books is essential reading for anyone who is on a journey of healing from within.

The Art of the Possible Dawna Markova, Ph.D. Conari Press, 1991 ISBN: 0-943233-12-7 Purchase the book Hardcover \| Paperback	"It's not how smart you are, it's how you are smart," says author Dawna Markova. As a teacher in the slums of Harlem, the suburbs of Larchmont, and the migrant labor camps of Coconut Creek, Markova discovered that we learn, remember, and process information using different perceptual channels. We carry our perceptual patterns with us into adulthood, where they govern how we create, meditate, and inter-relate. There are six possible patterns, and in *The Art of the Possible, you'll learn to identify your own patterns and use them to strengthen your intuition, creativity, organizational and people skills. Unlike many self-help authors, Markova doesn't seek to "hostalyze" readers ("hostile + analyze = figuring you out for your own good to prove how smart I am"), but to provide guidelines to be used "lightly, lovingly, loosely." Markova is a gifted and innovative teacher, and The Art of the Possible* is a genuine breakthrough in understanding ourselves and others.
The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us From Violence Gavin deBecker Little, Brown and Co., 1997 ISBN: 0-316-23502-4 Purchase the book Hardcover \| Paperback	Gavin deBecker is the first to admit that *The Gift of Fear* is not a great title for this book. But, as he explains, if he had called it *The Gift of Intuition, more than a few women would leave it on the shelves. And that would be a tragedy because The Gift of Fear* contains vital information for all of us. The product of a violent childhood, deBecker is best known as a security specialist to the stars. He shares that experience here, illustrating how fear can be a gift when its messages are understood and used intelligently. DeBecker's clients are menaced by stalkers, rapists, terrorists, and garden variety mind-gamers, and he has an intimate understanding of these humanoids that any fiction author would envy. In *The Gift of Fear*, he gives readers a bird's-eye view of the mind games these sociopaths play, and the tools to decide how, when, and if to respond. The greatest gift of fear is that, when we allow it to work for us, we are no longer imprisoned by it.
Women Who Run With the Wolves Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D. Ballantine Books, 1992 ISBN: 0-345-37744-3 *Purchase the book* Hardcover \| Paperback	I resisted this book when it was first released. But, an acquaintance who is a big fan of Estes' work encouraged me to give her a chance. I'm glad I did. I found *Women Who Run With the Wolves* nothing less than life-changing. In it, Estes uses myths and metaphors, folk tales and fairy stories from around the world to illustrate the crucial life lessons left unlearned by those of us whose childhood's served as "incomplete initiations". Estes gives to us the gifts of intuition, trust, self-preservation, sexuality, creativity, and the authentic life. With a style full of vitality and love, she teaches us how to find our true tribes, our true mates, and our true selves. *Women Who Run With the Wolves* is essential reading for all survivors of childhood abuse and domestic violence.

What If I Want To take A More Active Role?

If reading isn't your style, there are many other ways to find your inner strength. Try aromatherapy, yoga, martial arts. Or, do some (sub)consciousness-raising: Use the Tarot -- not to learn what's going to happen to you, but what you can make happen for you. If you have a creative streak, you have even more options: Keep a journal, write poetry, compose music, dance, make art. cont.