From Victim to Victrix - The Survivor's Way

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How Do I Know When I Can Trust Others?

When you know what to look out for, you can use your knowledge and common sense to know what to avoid. Whether you're looking for professional help, a support group, or a child abuse-related cause to get involved in here are some hints on surfing the Internet intelligently and safely:

READ THE FINE PRINT: Several webmasters for anti-abuse web sites eagerly joined a new campaign to prevent child pornography on the Net. They proudly displayed the campaign's logo on their web sites until they found out that, in sharp contrast to their own beliefs, the leader of the campaign opposes prison time for those convicted of producing, selling, or participating in child pornography. Those webmasters could have spared themselves trouble and embarrassment if they had done a little reading at the campaign's web site. The lesson here is to look beneath the surface before you get involved. Read everything on site, including out-of-the-way pages, to make sure that the web site and its activities are compatible with your own standards and goals.

CHECK OUT HELPING PROFESSIONALS AND CHARITABLE ORGANIZATIONS: It is possible to find attorneys, therapists, and children's charities on the Net, and many will have your best interests at heart. It is equally possible to find people who are masquerading as attorneys and therapists, and web sites fronting as charitable organizations in order to victimize others.

When you are looking for professional help on the Net, there are three things to remember.

First, always check out a potential therapist, attorney, or other helping professional with your local professional regulatory organization.
Second, even though someone might be an expert in one field of child abuse, that expertise does not qualify them to give advice in another abuse-related field. Attorneys are not licensed to diagnose or treat mental and emotional problems. Therapists are not licensed to dispense legal advice. If a professional attempts to diagnose or advise you outside their field, report them to their state regulatory organization immediately.
Third, all consultations should take place in person, and not over the Internet.

If you're curious about the legitimacy of a charitable organization, visit these web sites:

The Internet NonProfit Center

National Charities Information Bureau

Both sites feature searchable IRS databases that allow you to find almost any 501(c)(3) organization in the US.

JUDGE THEM BY THEIR CONDUCT--NOT THEIR CREDENTIALS: This goes for anyone on the Net—from the everyday people to the recognized experts. It applies to how they treat you in any situation—one-on-one, behind your back, or in front of a worldwide audience of Netizens.

If you are compromised, betrayed, diminished, or invalidated at anytime by anyone, trust your gut. Don't mistake popularity, expert credentials or a vaunted reputation for honorable intentions toward you. Don't be intimidated by the predator's favorite form of camouflage -- the use of a "spotless" reputation with others to deny abuses perpetrated on you. Don't mistake the absence of an attack on you for a defense of you. And don't get bogged down in a flame war, or any other exchange of negative energy. Instead, hold your head up, get out of there, and don't look back.

If you're asked offer your skills, your time, your loyalty, or proof of your trustworthiness to a person or organization, make sure that they are ready, willing, and able to do the same. Commitment is always a two-way street. Again, look to how they treat you in various situations, and use that information to decide whether to get involved.

SAY NO TO BACKGROUND CHECKS: Some Internet-based anti-child abuse/incest organizations have begun to ask applicants to submit to background checks. One such organization, allegedly backed by law enforcement, sprouted up almost overnight -- hardly enough time for the head of the organization to do a background check on his assistant. If he had, he would have discovered that she has falsely claimed to be related to a high-profile figure in anti-child abuse circles, yet has made anti-child abuse survivor remarks in one pro-survivor forum. The latest twist? The assistant's current biography states she is a survivor of child pornography.

The GoodWill Seals
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Scammers like these should be the subjects of background checks—not the administrators. If you want to participate in any activity that requires a background check, a home address, or any other personal information make sure you give information only to someone whose identity you have checked out personally and in real time. Before you hand over any information, contact the organization off the Net to verify that the person is a member in good standing, and authorized to administer background checks to prospective members. If the organization claims to be supported by law enforcement, charity, other activists, or any other reputable party, check that out as well. If the organization is Net-based, get off-Net references to check out. And make sure that the information you give will not be used for commercial purposes—including rental, sale, or distribution to prospective list buyers.

DON'T ACT WITHOUT THE FACTS: An entrepreneur who markets anti-child abuse products, services, and causes has raised havoc on the Net on two separate occasions. First, this entrepreneur charged that an individual who was victimizing child abuse and incest survivors had found a counseling position with a well-respected survivor web site. When asked to offer proof of this allegation, the entrepreneur refused, claiming that the proof had come from a third party who wished to remain anonymous. Further investigation showed that the survivor web site in question neither offers nor promotes a counseling service. The entrepreneur struck again with charges that the administrator of an anti-child abuse web ring was actively supporting pedophile web rings—just by being on the same server. The entrepreneur called for a boycott, asking all participants to remove their sites from the anti-abuse web ring. The truth? The web ring server plays host to both the anti-child abuse web ring and pedophile web rings, neither of which are supported by—nor accessible from—the other.

Anyone who profits from anti-child abuse products or services serves an obvious agenda by discrediting others who reach the same audience. It is interesting to note that both sites targeted by the entrepreneur serve the Net's anti-child abuse and incest communities free of charge, and do not promote any commercial products or services on their sites. The lesson here is to follow the money—and the motive. Before you participate in a campaign against any concept, individual, organization, or web site, get the facts. Make sure that accusations are fully and independently documented. E-mail (especially excerpted e-mail) is very easily faked, and doesn't count as proof. Get documentation of alleged wrongdoing directly from the source—whether it's a newspaper, a website, or an individual.

REPORT ILLEGAL ACTIVITY: In cooperation with the FBI, the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children now operates their CyberTipline on the Internet. If you suspect cyber-exploitation of children on the Internet, the tip line is the place to report it. To make a report, visit the CyberTipline website, or call 1-800-843-5678. The NCMEC also advises that, if you know of a child who is in immediate danger, you should call your local police.

How Do I Turn My Emotion Into Action?

The answer is simple—communicate! One way to do that is to get others involved. Lightning If you find a web site that's fighting the good fight for abuse victims, use e-mail, message boards, chat rooms, and e-zines to spread the word, and urge family, friends, colleagues, and other Netizens to fight for abuse victims' rights. Also, try writing to your legislators about CIVITAS, or another child abuse issue. When you write, be sure to state exactly what you want your legislator to do and how you want it accomplished. Remember, if the photographer doesn't focus, nobody gets a clear picture.

The Power of Millions

We abuse survivors are a nation of expert witnesses. We are a voting bloc that, working as one, could pass a piece of legislation, elect a president, or see to it that abuse victims get a fair shake in court. Survivors from all 50 states and the District of Columbia have already added their voices to the call for child abuse and incest laws that protect the victims. Trust yourself! Stand up for the victims! Join us!